Stay-At-Home Moms: Do You Get Lonely Sometimes Too?
Getting up and starting your day is like clockwork. You get the kids up for school, this is you running on automatic. You could probably do this and the lunches with your eyes closed.
You have nowhere particular to go to today after the children go to school. Today you won’t be joining the rat race and heavy traffic to work. That’s a bonus. You’re a stay at home mom.
The empty house on your return from the school run can sometimes be welcoming, but other times it’s just too quiet. Your only company is the radio in the background with a bit of Dr Phil on the television to amplify the sound. Make the house sound alive and busy. But it is just you. No more babies crawling around the floor. Your children are all growing up so quickly. Succeeding in their little lives because you have been there. You have done a good job.
Being there at every school match, school play and every sick day has been the making of them but has had some consequences for you. Loneliness.
Sometimes a day can fold into the next like a good cake mix, smooth. The house runs like clockwork. No one forgets anything for school, your organised. Everyone is happy, so job well done. Even the fishbowl is cleaned, and the dog has been fed!
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The other side of being a stay at home parent is the isolation, you can find yourself craving company, adult company. A trip down to the shops or local shopping centre sees you making such an effort to strike up conversations with total strangers! Nuts! Or maybe that’s just me!
I know a lot of Moms who work who would love to be at home or at least have the best of both worlds. But it is not always feasible. Financial strings dictate your situation at times, giving up a good job and career is such a massive decision. Then I also know Moms who have no desire to be at home all day, they are happy to mix both worlds, career and children.
My ideal situation and probably for a lot of parents would be to find the dream job within their field of work that fits around their children. Your off when they are, sick days are allowed, a boss who understands when a child needs their parent, you just have to be there.
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One Mom told me after she read my survey post about being a SAHM:
I was driving along earlier and thinking how lonely it is! I think people who aren't in the same situation would think, ah it's great, go for coffee. Meet other moms etc, but it's not like that!! It's so hard to put yourself out there and meet other moms. it's very easy to lose yourself too. Then, in turn, you lose confidence and it's a bit of a vicious circle!
I totally agree with this Mom you can easily get into a rut. Having a routine is great, but sticking to it rigidly is not always a good idea either. It can tie you down to mundane tasks that you feel must be fulfilled. This prevents spontaneous outings and meeting up with family and friends. The house will be there tomorrow.
As we spoke, she also told me on the flip side she loves her life and would change nothing for the world. Also for her, the light at the end of the tunnel will come when her youngest ventures out to playschool and she will have those hours to venture out and spread her wings a little more.
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Another Mom I spoke with has found great freedom since her children have gone to school and playschool. As her husband often tells her:
For a stay at home mom, you're never at home!
Yes, he is a comedian and a very brave man.
When my children where young I used to take them to mother and toddler groups, for company. Maybe we need a ‘Stay-at-home Mom Group’? For the Moms who have no babies at home and their children are gone 5/6 hours a day. The same set up as toddler groups just on a larger scale. With huge playball pits and everything padded, we are getting on, bones are brittle! Wouldn’t that be amazing?
I had my children’s parent-teacher meetings the other days. You know the ones where you walk into the class like you’re in trouble. My eldest daughter’s teacher told me ‘keep doing what you’re doing, and do not go back to work yet’! My youngest daughter’s teacher told me ‘Keep doing what you’re doing because, it's working’. Now if that doesn’t give me the lift I need nothing else will.
So, I will continue doing what I have been doing for now. Remain a SAHM for now because they need me, and when they are a little older like the other moms, I will spread my wings. In the meantime, I will continue the search for the perfect job that just works for us all.