6 Perfectly Normal Thoughts I've Had as a Parent
What can I say other than, parenting is a rollercoaster.
Be it a rollercoaster that you are blindfolded on, that can go upside down and backwards at the same time. With the nature of parenting being so unpredictable, I thought I would share the following with you, a narrative of some of the more sideways moments that I have had:
1. My pillow is alarmed
My son had an odd talent that he has only recently grown out of. Four years of night waking - at the exact moment that my head hit the pillow. The only sleep deprived solution that I could think of, was that my pillow was somehow alarmed and set off alarm bells in his room every time. Every. Single. Time.
2. I will have one giant arm
Child, shopping and changing bag carrying have resulted in having lovely toned arms, but the weight of these items had me thinking at one stage that I was going to have one terminator arm and one non terminator arm. I must have changed the kids around from side to side more than I thought though, I’m relatively equal now.
3. My child is smarter than me
The questions of 'the why phase' have not only brought me to tears, but have led me to question whether my child is in fact a genius and whether I should be wearing a cone shaped hat with a large D on it. Child proof locks? No mam, this is how you get the lid off the medicine.
4. My life is a reality show
Tea time at our house is like a feeding frenzy at a zoo and is generally the time that the children are shouting, the cooker goes on fire, the doorbell goes and the phone rings. The only logical explanation for all of this madness and general lunacy is that I am on a reality show and one day Davina is going to jump out of my wardrobe with a giant suitcase of money shouting, ‘You won! We are sending you away for a week to a deserted island and have organised someone to mind your children.’ I repeat, the only logical explanation.
5. Time has stopped
I swear this happened one day, the hand on the clock moved backwards. It was when my eldest was a baby and I was still on maternity leave. The time had been passing slowly, babies are cute but they aren’t great conversationalists. Solution? Go out, do a dance, sleep with the baby is asleep, but stop, staring, at, the, clock...
6. I don’t need sleep
I chirped as I bounced into my third day after no sleep. Turns out there isn’t enough coffee in the world to reverse the effects of sleep deprivation. Luckily, I made no massive decisions that week, but the obsessive towel buying bonanza in Penneys was something to behold. You can never have enough towels can you. CAN YOU!
7. Iggle piggle has saved me
He’s small, he’s blue, he squeaks and he is a life saver. I don’t know how the creators of In The Night Garden do it, but they have the ability to sooth any child regardless of teething, over-tiredness and general grumpiness. In fact, he’s so soothing, I watch him myself when the kids aren’t here.