5 Ways To Deal With Competitive Moms
We all know at least one competitive mom.
You know, the ones that compare everything you do to what they have done before, point out every flaw you have as a mother no matter how small. These women are the quintessential story-topper with an ‘Anything you can do, I can do better’ attitude. They sometimes possess dictator-esque qualities and have the ability to drive you crazy within seconds, especially if you have children the same age. This is the environment the alpha-mom thrives on and they can smell your feelings of inadequacy from a mile away.
There are several types/levels of competitive mother: we have the baby-momma who compares ever developmental stage of her infant to everyone around them asking incessant questions about whether your child has walked, talked, slept or pooped in exactly the way the book says they are supposed to and is quick to tell you when her little darling has yours beaten! There is the typical soccer mom personality that emphasises everything that her child can do better than yours. For instance, better at sports, art, better grades at school and the word average does not exist in her vocabulary. Then there is the mom who insists on outdoing you in everything including, but not limited to, being a perfect wife, mother, domestic goddess, never forgetting to pack a lunch, never a hair out of place, generally just being a superwoman.
There are many reasons why this type of mom is the way she is: she may have been brought up that way, she may lack self-belief and need to reassure herself by comparison that she is doing a good job, but either way it is important to deal with interactions with this type of mom carefully. Follow the simple tips below and you will be immune to the clutches of the alpha-mom:
1. Lead by example
Okay this sounds a little cliché, but there is merit in the saying “be the change you want to see in the world”. If you portray a good example of the type of moms you want to associate yourselves with, others will mimic your behaviours, meaning some of the good stuff will rub off on the giant pain in the proverbial that is the competitive mom.
2. Find the good in her
While her parenting style might seem a little controversial/extreme, there may be elements of the way she parents that you could benefit from introducing with your own children i.e. there may be method to her madness, so to speak.
3. Be the bigger person
Don’t go around badmouthing her to all of the other moms, because at the end of the day, this may backfire. Not to mention the fact that it would make you no better than her!
4. Be sure about your own decisions
Before you start pointing fingers, it is important to be sure about the decisions you make in your own life. You certainly don’t want to be in a situation where you criticise someone and they highlight your failing right back at you.
5. If all else fails, turn a blind eye
If you let the competitive taunts of another person fall on deaf ears, they will eventually stop. After all, the thing that gives this type of mom fuel to keep being competitive is the fact that she has actual competition. But if that is taken away, she will have lost her competitive edge. It is important to remember that you and your child are doing perfectly well. I mean, you've survived this far, right?! Lastly and possibly most importantly, be aware of whether you come across as one of the competitive moms. Watch your own behaviours and try not to ruffle too many feathers. Motherhood is hard enough without creating obstacles for ourselves.
We are all in this together and we need to have each other’s backs.