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8 Tips To Make The Most Out Of Your Moms' Night Out

When the stars align and a date on the calendar is agreeable to all your mommy friends which isn’t three years in the future, Operation Night Out plans begin in earnest.

Once upon a single life, these nights were frequent and not cherished for the pearls that they are. My youngest is four and I am beginning to claw back a social life (ie. a night out every season, not week). I feel I have much knowledge to impart to those of you who are dipping a toe in the Pinot filled waters of mammy nights out.

1. Treat Yourself

You must buy something new to wear. I live all week in leggings and bum covering tops and on a good day, I might squeeze into jeans and flip flops. On a night out I want to resemble Linda Carrington from Dynasty.

Normally I will scour every shop the day before and realise that fashion has sadly moved on and is appalling; Every shop at the moment has clothes made for a size 6 exhibitionist. There are holes cut into the fabric... purposely like and I find myself tutting as I look at flimsy bits of skirts. After many dressing room experiences that have induced PTSD, I decide on new makeup and some Penneys statement jewellery. Lookit, I’m happy to pull the tag off something new on a night out even if it is a pair of big knickers.

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2. Speaking of Knickers…

Don’t be tempted to put on control pants. In my experience, being on a night out with ‘ladies’ will cause some bathroom emergencies and trying to pull those bad boys off while laughing can end up messy. On that note pack many liners and possibly spare underwear?

3. Contouring Queens

Bring your fancy new makeup as conversation often turns to beauty products and inevitably one of us has to explain contouring to a beleaguered friend. Why explain it... just do an impromptu, drunken makeover... the photos are always good for an oul blackmail sitch.

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4. No Kids Talk 

Talking about kids on a night out is a slappable offence unless it’s a hilarious poo/vomit story or a bad parenting moment… these make us feel smug. Nobody wants to hear about darling Mary's first steps, let alone watch a damn video. Phone Calls to babysitters/husbands allowed once in the evening. The conversation must be innuendo-laden and competition for the most graphic sex/shitty husband is fierce.

5. Flirt Like There's No Tomorrow

Flirting with bar staff/waiters is encouraged and if they don’t look too horrified/ scared it’s nice to turn to your friend and say ‘I still got it’.

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6. Sod's Law

Your children will get sick on the day you are supposed to go out. It’s sod’s law and guilt will be washed all over you but if it is just a cold, babysitter/Dad can cope just fine. My kids prefer the hangover illness; Recently I went out for the first time in ages with my husband and we didn’t get to bed until 2 am; My six-year-old started puking at 3 am and at half hour intervals till his brothers woke for school.

7. Slow & Steady 

Try to pace yourself.. you’re not 19 anymore and you do not need pre-drinks, shots or doubles. Nights out are so rare, you need to savour them and not end up being put in a taxi after an hour having lost your new makeup.

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8. Cherish Every Moment 

Laugh your pants off (not literally.. See tip 2). And savour every minute as these rare nights out will carry you through the next few weeks of drudgery till you can plan the next one.

What other tips would you add? Let us know in the comments. 

About the Author

Mother of 3 young boys, blogging about poo, post-baby vags and other beautiful aspects of parenting and domestic slavery.

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