main banner

This-Is-What-Christmas-Is-Really-Like-In-My-House_1

This Is What Christmas Is Really Like In My House

My Christmas normally starts in late November when I get a strong urge to get the decorations out of the attic;  When I say I get the decorations out of the attic... I mean I actually delegate this to my husband. But before you start feeling sorry for him... his contribution to Christmas starts and ends there.

The kids are anxious to help and I tell them… after the lights… after the tinsel… actually, do you mind if I space the decorations better? I’m by no means a perfectionist but I do like a nicely decorated tree and so I now have two: the hot mess my kids made and my tasteful delight of a tree (not how I describe them in front of the kids).

The light situation can be stressful as I was brought up to believe that you should be able to see your tree from the moon. I’ve currently 850 on my ‘good tree’  but think there’s room for more next year. Is 1000 the perfect amount? I genuinely need to know.


 

The next Christmas event would be the Late Late Toy show in early December. I was so excited for this as a kid but it was always a letdown.. just loads of kids tap dancing and disappointed sideways looks from my Mam. I watched it this year with my boys and the 9-year-old trounced out after five minutes to go on his Xbox. The 5 and 6-year-olds were fidgety but stayed for the snacks. I did point out the talented kids and asked why weren’t they up there making me proud. I had to carry the kids to bed at 10 and I stayed up sobbing at the Dad in the box and again when I didn’t win the holiday to Florida. I’d had a few Baileys at that stage.

After this, I ask for their Santa lists and this year it’s proved so difficult to improvise as their interests are very narrow. The 5-year old wants Cosmos. A €240 robot dog! He has gotten a €13 robot from Argos and I guarantee he won’t know the difference. And when it breaks, which it will, I won’t have to spend time in my car crying. The 6-year-old wants Plague Inc, the board game which had to be ordered from America. I got my Mam to get it so I can do a letter from Santy saying the last one was sold to a lady in Ireland and he’s so sorry he couldn’t get it... cue my Mam being that lady later on at dinner when he’s spent several hours crying.

This may sound cruel but it’s a family Christmas tradition to crush the kids before surprising the shit out of them. Bear in mind I don’t make mine go to mass before opening their presents (or at all ever like Mammy Kelly did, then she’d make us have breakfast. It’d be the evening before we got our presents. The 9-year-old wants a mic and headset for his Xbox so he can entice serial killers to the house by giving out our address.


 

My mother loves to tell me that I’m my own worst enemy which I will readily agree with when it comes to those bloody elves. I thought it’d be fun to get a second one as back up cos the first one had issues after last years behaviour. Then I got Freddy and Eddie a baby so I now have a family of them to place nightly. This week I wrote a note to say they were taking a rest on the tree for a few days. I’m sick of being just about to fall asleep and jumping up shouting THE ELVES like a madwoman. 

Another worry our parents didn’t have to contend with is the PNP Santa. I just spent €11.99 on the premium version… made three videos which then promptly vanished into thin air.  I’ve decided to do almost nice instead of nice this year as their recent behaviour would warrant bags of soot in a fair society. Santy is way too forgiving although his mentality is probably similar to mine ‘just give them what they want.. I can’t handle the whingeing.. pass the wine.’

So, enjoy your Christmas everyone! Enjoy filling all those black bags with endless wrapping paper. Enjoy the disappointed look on your kid’s faces as they didn’t get something they didn’t put on their list. Enjoy your mother or sister saying 'lovely' with a confused look as you give them something you considered very thoughtful that was probably expensive and ordered months in advance. Enjoy sweating over the dinner and filling the dishwasher eight times. Enjoy never, ever getting the gift you want (a night away in a hotel just up the road on my own with a book and dressing gown and room service).

Happy Christmas; I love it all really and will spend the time in sentimental tears as I may not get another Santy year out of my 9 year old... just don’t forget Nollaig na mBan which is thanks for all the above with shots!


About the Author

Mother of 3 young boys, blogging about poo, post-baby vags and other beautiful aspects of parenting and domestic slavery.

Comments

user icon
Lisa Donelon
Aw girl you always make me laugh!! And that's the gift I want too but of course will not get it!!
Best wishes x
22/12/2017 11:27:37

Please login to leave a comment.