Feeling Stuck In Life? Here's How To Get Unstuck!
If you’ve ever felt ‘stuck’ in your life - in a job, a relationship, your health - you’ll know just how frustrated it can leave you. You know how good life can be, but this one area of your life has you running around in circles.
Most people get stuck at some stage of their lives, often in the same area. So if your romantic relationships usually end a certain way, or if you continue to feel dissatisfied in your work life after several job changes, chances are you’re in somewhat of a rut and need to get unstuck.
Life coach Victoria Thygesen says she sees it all the time in her practice; being creatures of habit, we tend to do the same things over and over again and expect different results. “There can be a great conflict between wanting stability and certainty, yet also wanting to change and grow. Change is always hard – both internal and external change, so even though we know that the change is good for us, we still resist it and seek familiarity. I think we get stuck in the space between the old and the new.”
According to Victoria, work, unsurprisingly, is the number one frustration that people tend to have when feeling stuck. “It takes up a lot of our time and energy so if we feel unhappy and stuck at work, it can have a huge impact on our lives.”
Relationships can also be a significant source of frustration because it’s so easy to fall into the same old roles. “With family members, there is usually a pattern laid out from when you were a child; everybody has their role within the family. There are traditions and unwritten rules, so trying to change lifelong habits can be challenging,” she says, “especially as, when you start to change and challenge the status quo, the other parties will begin to get scared as their role is then also set to change, which can feel threatening. With our partner, we may fear being alone if it doesn’t hold, and yet trying to break habits and routines can be really difficult, especially if you are not on the same page. On the other hand; being single and wanting a partner can leave us feeling stuck and helpless too. You cannot force a relationship, so where do you start?”
According to Victoria, the answer lies in how we look at the situation. So, instead of trying to battle our way through and force change, changing our perspective can have a huge impact. “When we feel stuck, we can lose sense of the bigger picture. One little thing or area in your life can suddenly take over everything because that is where your focus is. So changing the focus or broadening the focus can help shift the situation. I am not a believer in ‘positive thinking’ as such; trying to turn every single thing into something positive. However, I believe that we can change our perspective to be more positive, compassionate and open, which in turn will help change the actual situation. Sometimes we don’t actually need to change the situation, changing our perspective on it can be enough.”
From her practice, Victoria has been helping people to push through the discomfort from stuck to unstuck, getting to the core of the issue, and working through it together.
“When people come to me initially, they are, of course, already aware that they feel stuck, unhappy, unsatisfied, but they may not be able to fully put words on it. My starting point would always be to explore the current situation; what happened up to this feeling of being stuck, did anything cause it? What is happening right now around it? What have you already tried to deal with the situation?” What Victoria says she often finds is that there are usually underlying issues that her client isn’t aware of. “Sometimes, you can think you are unhappy about work, but there is actually a deeper sense of feeling undervalued and unconfident. So we try and get to the core of the issue, the fears and the hopes around it.”
Once the core issue has been explored, then it’s onto the planning and vision stage. Where do you want to see yourself? What exactly is it you want to achieve? “This can be found by exploring options, visualising or using guided meditations to get a really good sense of it. Once that is clear, you can start planning. Again, you need to look at the fears and potential blocks, but also at what strengths and tools you have to help you succeed,” she adds.
One of the greatest blocks to people who are attempting to make a change in their life is that they see the challenge as one big, insurmountable goal. The trick, according to Victoria, is to breaking it down into small, manageable steps. “Some people just need help finding and writing the plan; others may already have a plan but need support during the journey. My job is to be a non-judgemental sounding board - someone that can support and can give that gentle/kick in the ass to help you move forward.”