Home Forums General Forums General Chat & Miscellaneous Big family / little family – dilemna

This topic contains 11 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of babydays babydays 11 years, 11 months ago.

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  • #34210
    Profile photo of gta

    I am from a family of three, DH is from five, parents also from big families. I have two girls at the moment.
    the families I know with only two girls, the sisters, spent years not getting on !!!
    anyone out there from a family of two and wouldn’t have had it any other way.
    DH lost a brother at 35 years old and I often feel if it was just him and his brother, he’d would be an orphan (!) now.
    I know these are strange thoughts but we are trying to decide whether to try again and we are going around in circles.
    thanks for any feedback GTA

  • #301223
    Profile photo of AUHAN

    Hi there, I have two little ds at the moment and pregnant with my third, due sept. I lost my own brother 3 years ago. There was three of us, I have one brother left and I really feel it is only me and him, we get on great but it is really noticable if we have any parties for the kids how small my side of the family is. My husband has 5 siblings. That really spurned me on to have my third, all going well. Life with two is grand, sometimes I think I am mad to draw all this work on myself, but hopefully when the kids get a bit bigger it will become more enjoyable and less pressure. I think a young death in a family can start all these weird feelings.

  • #301256
    Profile photo of purcell999

    Hi there, i have one little ds just one year old, and i will all going well have more babies. I have 3 siblings and so has my husband, everybody fights when they are younger but we lost our dad 11years ago and i would have hated being an only child when that happened and even now it is great as we get on so well with one another and i hope i can give that to my ds soon.

  • #301490
    Profile photo of gta

    Thanks Audrey and Purcell999, yes, deaths in the family can start all sorts of feelings. In this day and age, when children are forced by society to “have it all” – financially, Is it right to have a big family (lets face it 3 or more nowadays is counted as big!)
    I am inclined to say, lets have another, but DH says it would be too hard to watch me being pregnant again and to have three girls would be over powering !! part of me would love to try for a boy for him/us. maybe when dd2 is older he might see the sense.
    Thanks G

  • #301498
    Profile photo of Denisefitz

    Gwen , you go girl. I’d say a 3rd wouldn’t take a thing off you. You are great.
    My brother-in-law had a boy and girl from his first marriage. When they were 24 and 21 ,his 21 year old son died fron Sudden death syn, which is associated with infant cot death, same type of thing. Where as I didn’t really think about the fact his DD was now an only child/adult , my own husband couldn’t stop thinking about it and said he would hate it for ours kids. My own opinion on this is you can’t work on what ifs etc. So if you really want a third child, do it soley for that reason.
    I really dont think I will ever have a third but each to there own.

  • #301652
    Profile photo of woodbine

    Hi guys, Well I think gta should go again if that what you want. I had one brother one year older than me and now he is all the family I have left in this world. He is lovely but useless. I would have loved a sister so I was delighted when I had my second daughter eight years ago. They don’t get along but I am hoping when they are older and have their own children things will be great between them and they can help and support one another. I am in a a second relationship now and my partner has one son and one daughter and now I am pregnant with No. 5 child at 40. Nervous but excited. We have been trying for 2 yrs so we are delighted. We contemplated it for years before. I was more for it than he in the beginning so I had to let him decide. Go for it if it is what you want. Don’t waste the years like me. good luck

  • #301677
    Profile photo of Sally


    Interesting topic!

    I have one brother. He is a few years younger than me, and I always, always wanted another brother or sister. I HATE being one of two. Because our family is so small, christmas day is like no other day. Things like that always got to me.

    I now have a DD who is 2 and expecting no. 2 in the summer. We will definitely try for a third in a couple of years (hopefully) because I never wanted to have a family of two.

    Each to his own, I know.


  • #301910
    Profile photo of bel

    I have just the one sister and my DP has just the one sister also, I dont find it lonely at all but then my Mum was one of 12 children soas you can imagine I have loads and loads of cousins, aunts etc, where as DP only has the one aunt and two cousins.

    Although I would like to have a big family, I feel that as someone mentioned above, it sometimes depends on finances these days which is a shame but thats how it is.

  • #302058
    Profile photo of bennie


    I’m from a family of two girls and please God we will have a few more( Not even TTC first yet!)But I’d ideally like to have more than two.


  • #302069
    Profile photo of gta

    Thanks all for the replies, talked to DH this weekend, but he does not want to talk about it until at least Jan 2006 (DD2 will be 18 months by then) – he has the sensible head , this time. lets see how I feel then.
    DD2 cut two teeth this weekend and after being up several times with each of them, another does not seem to be a good idea !!

  • #302150
    Profile photo of Valerier

    Have been thinking about this for the past few months – have a 2.5 year old and a 1 yr old, boy and a girl, I had always planned on having three, morbidly, I always worry about what if one died etc. effect on us as parents and then the effect on the other sibling.
    Anyway, we have had a rotten couple of months since before Christmas, no sleep, constant bugs, colds, teething etc.. it just seems to be never ending. We also had problems with the toddler not wanting to go to the creche, starting to display tantrums etc, basically the terrible 2’s..!! So at the moment, the thought of having another one has gone out the window. I also wanted to give myself a little time to recover, both births were sections, 18 months apart.
    But and I know those older mothers will disagree, I’m 35 this year and if I leave it another year or two to make up my mind, I think I’ll be two old. I don’t mean to offend, but the thought of my kids starting school and me in my forties just doesn’t seem to suit..!!
    We’re both from big families, six children in mine and seven in my brothers. My own mother thinks I’m out of my mind to consider another – she had six children all before she was 33, she always says her life began at 50..!! I suppose when the last of her children left school.
    Anyway, I think the wait and see approach will have to apply, we’ll see how things develop over the next year and see about going again early in 2006..!!
    Best of luck to those who go for it, every admiration

  • #302613
    Profile photo of babydays

    I have one DD and expecting no. 2 in a few weeks.
    I come from a family of two and agree that it’s quite small.
    When I look at DD and really see the profundity of DH and myself having created her and the thought that we could create more and they’re all fabulous in their own ways, all different and unique then I’d like to have lots! – or at least more than two!

    But, I’ve found that I’m knackered with even one and found my second pregnancy much more tiring than the first time around. This is I suppose due to working full time and getting pregnant when DD was 8 mths. I really wonder whether I could cope with 3 kids. I don’t want to stay at home full time but don’t want to work full time either.

    We’ll sort it out, but ENERGY levels are definitly something I’ll be considering!

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