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This topic contains 20 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by Avatar of niggles niggles 6 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #62414
    Avatar of lynnielou
    lynnielou
    Participant

    hi all just wondering if anybody has found that their relationship with their partner/husband is slightly strained since the arrival of new babys??my ds is 5 and half months and i feel like all i do with my partner is disagree on things..he just seems so laid back about everything and with a baby their is so much to be done it really iritates me that he can sit back so easily..i just feel like the relationship we once had is gone..we are 8 years together..is this normal??any replies welcome

    #613965
    Avatar of niggles
    niggles
    Participant

    they are all the same … i fed 2 children, washed sterilized and made bottles, showered dd, bathed baby, did iorning (not much to do but did it anyway), washed out floors, hoovered the house, this morning while dp went for a walk, had breaky, went for hair cut, had lunch (his own) an relaxed…… im fuming feel like walking out.
    oh and was told my hormones are at me. flung baby wipes at him and its all my fault we had an argument, in front of dd, which left her screaming.

    #613976
    Avatar of amjod
    amjod
    Participant

    Oh ye I completely know what ye mean, I have come so close to telly husband to get out n stay out. I do think it is the fact that they think wre coping and can’t see why they should help us!! I left loose one day told him exactly how i felt and now he does a lot more. they think we are waking machines that can do anything. i got to a stage where i did everything for me and DS but nothing for DH and when he ran out of clean unerwear/socks, and I made food for just me and DS, he had a change or ways.

    #614009
    Avatar of tahlula
    tahlula
    Participant

    god i know exactly how you feel. i was told one saturday that he didnt want me doing housework on a saturday cos he hated watching and that there were 5 weekdays i could do the housework when he was at work!
    anyway i lost the plot for the first time and now every sat morning he helps with the housework so it can be done quickly!!!

    #614011
    Avatar of aquamarine
    aquamarine
    Participant

    Hi there, I have the same problem. My dd is 6 months, DH does do some housework and help out with the baby but leaves the house in a complete mess amungst other things. We have had an extremely stressful year and half but I feel our relationship is really understrain, sometimes I feel like im going mad. I have to carry the whole family. I often feel life would be much easier if it was only me an dd. I am going back to work soon and only see things getting worse.

    #614012
    Avatar of aquamarine
    aquamarine
    Participant

    Hi there, I have the same problem. My dd is 6 months, DH does do some housework and help out with the baby but leaves the house in a complete mess amungst other things. We have had an extremely stressful year and half but I feel our relationship is really understrain, sometimes I feel like im going mad. I have to carry the whole family. I often feel life would be much easier if it was only me an dd. I am going back to work soon and only see things getting worse.

    #614059
    Avatar of pebs
    pebs
    Participant

    i know how you all feel, I had an unmerciful row with my DP today because he has to always do the hoovering and wash the floors, but the fact that I do the washing the ironing the minding of our DS including making up his feeds bathing him making sure hes ok that is not house work. Well I dropped a bombshell on him last week and told him i had booked 3 days for me and my DS godmother in barcelona and he was staying at home to mind DS. Well girls a list of chores will be left and I cannot wait to see how much of that list is done when I get back. Watch this space. I will miss by DS (who is only 3.5months) but I need the break espeically before I go back to work end of may.

    #614076
    Avatar of amjod
    amjod
    Participant

    pebs you’ve the best idea, i did that, went to Chicago for 4 nights, killed me, missed DS so much, but I was the best thing since slice bread by the time I arrived back. But things gradually drifted back to what they were until I exploded. if you get them on the right track, don’t let them slide back down the slope as the arguments will be more hassle for you. mind you in saying that, I got up at 7 this morning, cleaned, ironed, minded DS and make breakfast for us, hubby got up with a headache and moaned for hours, i left him be, thought he was up stairs doing the clothes, but he was asleep. lost it again and have new ground rules now going on. I brought a child in to this world for both of us, not for it to seem like i am a single mother… hit him hard and he’s back on track. did everything else in the house.

    #614151
    Avatar of lynnielou
    lynnielou
    Participant

    god im glad to see im not the only one.. dp is great at helping with baby and house when it suits him..otherwise he is doing things for himeself..on the laptop etc..it really annoys me cause he complains when im running around doing everything..he says he worries that im doing to much and wish i would let him help when hes at home..but its easier to do it myself cause i have everything done in half the time..he doesnt seem to realise that when ds is napping thats the time to get things done cause you dont get time otherwise!! then on sat he told me to go out for a few hours and spend time on my own..i went to meet my sis for about 3 hours..when i came back..i heard how ds hadnt been in good form(hes teething)he said it was no problem at all..but was in foul form for the rest of the eve!!god love him..its mad cause they get all the enjoyment and fun out of the babies..we just get the hard work..sometimes is so hard!!i think im still adjusting to our new relationship..cause for so many years it was just the two of us..hopefully things get easier as time goes by..good to have a rant tho and hear other peoples stories…

    #614782
    Avatar of junioral
    junioral
    Participant

    Thank God…My baby is only a few days old and it is a relief to know that others are at the end of their thethers with husbands and partners.. thing that gets me is I am on leave and get up at night with the baby and the other half has the cheek to walk into the kitchen at 7 this morning to complain about the noise and tell me he is tired.. Good lord I wonder sometimes!!!!

    #614981
    Avatar of surprise06
    surprise06
    Participant

    Its like I wrote half of those posts – the bottom line is that us women seem to be better at organising and multi tasking – one thing I would suggest to all mothers is to get a cleaner – I spent years moaning and arguing with my DH about housework and kept saying to him I was getting in a cleaner and he wouldn’t hear of it kept saying it was a waste of money and he would help out more and that didn’t happen so I went and organised a lady to come into the house for a couple of hours a week – best thing I ever did – DH agrees as its one less thing to worry about and it means our weekends are our own and we get to spend more time with DS instead off scrubbing bathrooms

    #614990
    Avatar of mom2J
    mom2J
    Participant

    i wish i had the income for that. but seeing as i am a sahm, theres no point in me getting one.
    plus i wouldnt trust someone to come into my house.

    #615001
    Avatar of maire74
    maire74
    Participant

    I tried two cleaners recently. The first one did less and less every week and then stole money. The second one let us down two days running with really pathetic excuses. Later found out she has a drink problem.
    Now we are back to spending our saturday mornings scrubbing while dd cries out for attention.

    #615085
    Avatar of debra14
    debra14
    Participant

    only had to read half of the replys as I’m exactly the same my dp thinks the fairies come in and do the housework, i did have a cleaner as was fed up cleaning up after everyone but she started off great but the same as maire74 did less and less each week so stopped that-it was great at the begining though she came every 2 weeks for 3 hours and although I couldnt really afford it was great for my sanity.
    I do the hoovering with the baby in a sling dp cant answer the phone when looking after the baby………

    Nice to know Im not alone

    #615138
    Avatar of Littlegirl
    Littlegirl
    Participant

    I second the cleaner if you can afford it. (Though it’s generally less then 3 or 4 drinks in a pub!) That’s the way I look at it. As soon as I became a mum I pity much stopped going out drinking – bar the odd night now. So I have a cleaner for 2 hours a week and it’s brilliant.

    #615187
    Avatar of aquamarine
    aquamarine
    Participant

    I am trying to arrange a cleaner at the moment. Just wondering what types of jobs do you all get them to do. I was thinking of the floors and bathrooms being cleaned, does anyone have any more suggestions?

    #615189
    Avatar of LoulouFoo
    LoulouFoo
    Participant

    hi aquamarine, I don’t personally have a cleaner, but some of my friends do. Jobs they get them to do are ironing, cleaning windows, loading/unloading dishwasher, cleaning in different presses on different weeks, changing beds. hope that helps

    #615195
    Avatar of moomom
    moomom
    Participant

    Hi aquamarine. I have a lady come in one day a week for 4 hours. She is my little angel. She ploughs through the housework when she’s here cos there’s nothing to distract her. She hoovers the house top-to-toe, dusts, cleans bathrooms, washes floors and does all my ironing every week and each week wiil tackle a different job eg clean oven or wash windows. The one job I don’t want her doing is my washing. I don’t like the thought of someone having to go through our dirty things. I get out of the house cos she doesn’t like me under her feet and it’s just heavenly to come home that evening. By getting a big job done once a week it means I just have to maintain it during the week rather than it building up. My DH and I agree it’s the best money we spend, as it saves us arguing over who has to do what. we would much rather spend the cash on this than any other luxury. In saying that we are extremely lucky that we found someone that is so trustworthy and hard-working.

    #615239
    Avatar of mom2J
    mom2J
    Participant

    I do a big clean on a sunday.
    DH takes DS and i have the house to myself. I prefer doing my own cleaning and DH loves having some time to himself with the baby. he works so hard during the week that there are some days he doesnt get home till the baby is in bed. so he feels better knowing that he’ll always have sundays to spend some quality time with DS.
    we have family day on sat, we go for walks or just out for lunch or something.
    it works out brilliantly for us.

    #615268
    Avatar of **June**
    **June**
    Participant

    tahlula – love it….made me laugh out loud.
    mom2j – great that you dh takes your ds. I asked my dh to take dd for an hour so I could rest (8 months pg) and his reply was ‘why what have I done’. He though he was being punished. He never spends any time alone with her. He wouldn’t know what to do to entertain her. So I am always with her, either just the 2 of us or the whole family (3) of us. No idea how things will change once new baby comes, but something will have to…honestly some times I feel like a single mother. I also wonder if friends I have made since I had dd think I am really single & just wearing a wedding ring for a laugh….another story.
    But hey girls – it is important to have a relationship with the dh, so we must all try to sort ourselves out…before they run off with the young ones in work:)

    #616703
    Avatar of niggles
    niggles
    Participant

    bump

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