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 Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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My dh is adopting my ds, we applied a year and a half ago, have had our 2 meetings but havent heard anything in ages. Anyone else been through this and how long did it take?
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Groups: Joined: 7/31/2004 Posts: 3,420
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My God Naillij, cant believe it takes that long when its not ordinary adoption iykwim. i know process is v. drawn out when you're adopting child from care but i'd have thought in your situation it'd happen sooner, mad isnt it!
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Groups: Joined: 1/30/2004 Posts: 2,990
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That does seem very long.
My DH adopted my DD1 and it was done and dusted in 9 months.
Of course,with the cutbacks,everything is taking longer.
Ring your social worker and ask them if they have any idea how long more.
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 Groups: Joined: 5/26/2008 Posts: 1,744
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My friend hubby adopted her son, it took three years all together, the father despite being asbent from birth and never paying a penny refused to give permission,and was very hard for socal to contact. However in the end the judge saw through him and let it go through.
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 Groups: Joined: 7/10/2008 Posts: 490
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naillij hope it gets sorted out soon for your dh and yourself and the wait wont be that much longer.
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 Groups: Joined: 5/6/2008 Posts: 885
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It took over three years for my bro in law to adopt my niece. It only finalised this year and she'll be 18 soon! Her biological father hasn't been around since she was 2 and my bro in law has been married to my sis since my niece was 4. They thought it would be much quicker considering all of that but it still took so long. I think the fact that the biological father is alive and well may have had a factor in this. They had to really make sure all parties knew the implications as far as inheritance etc is concerned. It is frustrating but best to make sure everything is done thoroughly and so noone can question it later. Best of luck Naillij! x
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Groups: Joined: 1/30/2004 Posts: 2,990
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My DD bio father is alive and well but it still only took 9 months.
Obviously if the bio doesnt agree to it ,that will delay things.
In our case,even though he hadnt seen her since she was a couple of months old,he couldnt wait for responsibility to be completely taken away from him.
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Groups: Joined: 5/6/2008 Posts: 885
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That's so quick Sparks. I can't believe how some dads can just walk (or run in most cases) away from their child/chilren. In a way, it's a blessing for the child as who needs a dad who doesn't want to be around anyway. I wonder is it different in each county? Or maybe it depends on the workload of the individual social worker.
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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Thanks for the messages and info girls. yeah social worker said the are hugely short staffed, as its over a year now we have to redo garda clearance etc, which will add few weeks more anyway.
Ds's dad hasnt been in contact since ds was 1 (6 years ago) but he is alive and well and living in uk (i googled him). Letter adoption board sent him was signed for but they want to make sure he got it and as he didnt reply i gave them his work address id found online, so they wrote to him at that 3 months ago, waiting to hear now if he bothered to reply.
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Groups: Joined: 5/26/2008 Posts: 1,744
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I say that the delay Naillij, they just wont proceed without his consent/acknowledement of impending and that he wishes to refuse.Can you ring him? and ask him to send it back or ask family member belonging to him?
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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Ive no contact with him rebelgirl, or any of his family. Have no phone numbers and addresses I have, ive passed on to adotion board, hes unreal, doesnt want anything to do with ds but cant just sign a piece of paper and let us get on with our lives.
Wanted it sorted as we were having more children and didnt want ds to be in anyway different to the twins, they 1 now!
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Groups: Joined: 7/26/2005 Posts: 327
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Naillij, My DH adopted my eldest DD. It took just over 2 yrs. Don't let it stop you in having more children. When the adoption was finalised my 2nd DD was nearly 1. We now have 3 kids and one on way due in May 09. Good luck. It will be lovely in the end when you are a complete family. There is ways around him not signing the paper. If they try all possibilities they can go ahead with the adoption without his signature. Been there.
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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Thanks juniors mom, sure hopefully its nearly there, will let ye know when we hear something
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Groups: Joined: 3/25/2004 Posts: 3,694
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Hi girls
My DH is going to adopt my daughter and I have one question about it. Although her bio "dad" has zero contact and never has done, if he is tracked down and says he doesn't want it to happen, can that stop it from happening?
My hugest fear is that he will end up having contact with her and I dont want that.
So great to have this thread. Thanks.
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Groups: Joined: 1/30/2004 Posts: 2,990
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jen
He can object but my SW told me if he did that everything else will be taken into account ie. no contact and no maintenance and a judge can overule the objection.
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Groups: Joined: 3/25/2004 Posts: 3,694
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it's such a worry for me
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Groups: Joined: 5/26/2008 Posts: 1,744
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jen26 my friends ex did that, kept it being delayed , in the end the judge asked him why he didnt want to allow it to happen considering he only seen the child once in its 6 years. he said because he had a baby daughter and now realises what he missed and wanted to put it right.
The judge asked how old was his daughter,answer was 1 year, the judge asked how many times had he seen the boy in that lengt to which my friend said he hasnt, the judge said that he belive the ex was being spiteful and and allowed the adoption go through . basically what i saying is that a judge wil use his cop on ,if it benifits your DD to allow DH to adopt your daughter ,in other words a strong father figure rather than an absent one,then i think they use there cop on ,About the only time they use it in my opinion.
Best wishes.
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Groups: Joined: 3/25/2004 Posts: 3,694
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thanks rebel girl. we are hoping to get the ball rolling on this after christmas. i don't want to start it beforehand as i'm petrified it would ruin christmas if he got in touch or whatever.
well, he has never once seen my dd and she's 4 in november. last contact i had with him was when she was 5 months old and i rang his mother to tell her she had a grand-daughter. she asked me would i do a dna i said yes, she said she'd organise it and get back to me and i never heard another word so i never bothered again.
i am just so petrified that a judge would allow him some kind of access and i know my dd just wouldn't understand it and it would rip her apart being away from me and with somebody she didn't know.
i've never had a cent off the guy. never so much as a text or anythign to ask about her.
before i had dd he had another daughter that i knew about and i think he did see that child regularly enough until he moved down the country with work and now i'm not sure. i am certain there's still a connection there though.
now i've been told he's got another child and lives with that child and the mother!
my dh is the best ever about the adoption. he says he totally understands my reasons for doing it and not doing it. he has always wanted to adopt her and make it all legal and "right" as he says lol.
now we have another dd it makes sense to me to go ahead and do it.
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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So annoyed! ds's birth father contacted adoption board (my dh adopting ds) after thirsd letter and 5 months of them trying to contact him and just as adoption was going to go through) to question his paternity!!!
AGGGGGGGHHHHHHH means adotion cant go through now until thats established.
Anyone have this done? where and how? birth father lives in uk. Looked up blackrock which is where social worker suggested but that seems to be one you have to attend in person for the test....
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 Groups: Joined: 1/19/2008 Posts: 88
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hi nailliji i went through dna test with my first just got in contact with gp and it was 500 pound so what ever in euro and gave me a number and sent on stuff to gp own gp done it and sent it off to england i think and results were back and all in 2 weeks easy enough and doesnt take 10mins good luck with everything i proberly sound stupid but my partner wants to adopt my eldest as we got together when he was 7 months old and is 5 now we have another child who is 7 months and partner and me want it real. eldest biologicol dad hasnt ever seen him and doesnt want to and name isnt on birth cert so would there be complications in the process?? and also we arent married havent got the money yet lol so is there restrictions on how long you have to be married , i persume you have to be married???? sorry if i sound stupid but wont know till i ask and also you dont have to meet your ex while getting test done just make seperate appointments with gp on same day thats what i done lol saves all the hassle ......
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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thanks teenmum.
yeah you have to be married to do the step parent adoption but no set lengnth of time.
My ex name is on birth cert so not sure what would happen if it wasnt
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Groups:
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 3
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HI Naillij, 2 Years 1 Month later our Step Parents Adoption is complete. I cannot start to go into all the details of how incompetent they were in the Adoption Board but here is a synopsis: Reply:quote:Originally posted by Naillij
<br />My dh is adopting my ds, we applied a year and a half ago, have had our 2 meetings but havent heard anything in ages. Anyone else been through this and how long did it take?
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Groups:
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 3
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HI Naillij,
2 Years 1 Month later our Step Parents Adoption is complete. I cannot start to go into all the details of how incompetent they were in the Adoption Board but here is a synopsis:
- Lost refernces
- Social Worker Left - no social worker for 6 months
- Garda Clearence received - only lasts 1 year - Due to all the delays this had to be reapplied for
- 2nd appointed social worker was sick, no one else could cover for her, more delays
- Birth Father contacted, when file went to registrar we were told they would have to send a registered letter to ensure he knew about the process. More delays while the attempted to get his views & queries addressed. In the mean thime our dd had completed her adoption cert (dd is 10) & was anxiously awaiting the big day.
- File went to reg, took 2 & 1/2 months for him to clear.
- Finally got a date for order - registered letter informing us never arrived, only I contacted them to ask for an update that I was told the date, time & venue.
UNBELIEVABLE - No respect for the families involved, I get so cross about the whole thing & there is no one to raise these issues with & complain to.[V]
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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Hey junem2b congrats on the adoption! but sorry to hear it took so long and you had so many problems. We have to redo the garda clearance now as well as its over a year since we first did them. Have to say our social worker is lovely and very helpful but they are so short staffed that getting letters sent out to ex takes forever.
Since he rang her 2 weeks ago and raised paternity issues and I got her to ring him straight back saying i had no problems with dna testing, he has dissapperaerd! he asked for a few days to think about it~!! after him brining up the issue and now he hasnt gooten back in touch with her! My dh rang social worker on tuesday and she said she would give him til today, which is 2 weeks and then give him a call, havnt heard anything back yet though. So even if we get dna tests and he doesnt object etc we could still be waiting ages by the sounds of your list! great. you think it would be a fairly sraight forward thing. birth father hasnt had any interest, step father loves ds like a son = happy adoption..... i wish!
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Groups:
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 3
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Good luck with the whole thing, we were the same birth father no contact for 5 years, DH in every way dad to DD & then birth father tried to pull every trick to slow things up. All through thought I stressed that it was DDs well being was our priority & her wishes had to come first in all matters including any contact with birth father.
So good luck & when the day comes for the order to be made it will be over in approx 10 mins!! but they are the best 10 mins for you you DH & DS.
Good Luck
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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aggggggggghhhhhhhh social worker just rang to say number she had for ex is now out of service and he hasnt got back in contact so now they have to write to him all over again!!!!!!
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (again!)
ex finally got back to adoption agency sying he definetly wants dna test but he has no job and no money and the mo, so basically if we want adoption to go ahead we have to pay for it! GGGGGGRRRRRR
said we would and social worker said to get on it straight away as hes looking for a job and might be moving soon so wouldnt be able to attend his gp (bul**it!) - hes just stalling and making trouble for us!
Anyway rang black rock and they arent testing at the mo as they are moving premises! trying lots of numbers now trying to get one that will send a test to gp in uk!!
SO SO ANNOYED!!!!
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Groups: Joined: 3/25/2004 Posts: 3,694
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hey .. we sent off our application form the other day .. very nervous now!
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Groups: Joined: 3/28/2007 Posts: 3,936
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nearly 2 weeks later and ex hasnt got back with an address for a gp, what an ss.
Jen26 good luck with your application, hope it goes way more smoothly than ours! let me know when you hear back from them
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Groups: Joined: 3/25/2004 Posts: 3,694
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will do, thanks. am really nervous i have to say!
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